What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
