So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
