Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
