i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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