I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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