Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We need to rekindle our bromance
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
