dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
