I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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