HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
