There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
