I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
