You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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