Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
