Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i out mim tonsoeep
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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