i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
