Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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