Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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