You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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