He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
