Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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