did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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