I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
