just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
