im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
