His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
