while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
