So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
