My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
