A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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