..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
