I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
