Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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