Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
