we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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