Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
