if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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