I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
