I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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