That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
