remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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