dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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