Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
