My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
