she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
