This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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