she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
