I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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