Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
