He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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