In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
