I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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