I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
