Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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